I am sitting here crying for so many reasons tonight.
I don't know what is going to happen to my dad. His court date is in two days and everything is hanging in the balance. I am praying that he does not have to do time. If he has to do time everything in my family will fall apart and I am not sure where to start picking up the pieces.
I miss Aaron everyday. We were together off and on four years. I
can't believe how things just fell apart. I love him so much still.
Even though he repeatedly hurt me, and repeatedly was flirting and
lying about the other girls. I don't know when we went wrong. I don't
know what little steps we took that led us to our end. I can't stand to
listen to certain songs. "What Hurts the Most" does it for me
everytime. I finally watched the music video and it killed me.
If something ever happened to him...I don't know what I would do.
We still have not really talked about everything. I just don't know how
to move on.
I met another guy. Hop is his nickname on the football team. He is such a nice guy, and I do genuinely have interest in him. But from day one, I knew that it was not right. He is a wonderful man, but I know he just does not fit what I am looking for in a guy. I decided I would go out on a few dates with him, see if it changes as we hang out together more. I have not been able to go out with him yet because I am back in Texas for a bit. When I make my way back up north I will get to finally go out on a date with him. We have been talking on the phone at least twice a day for about two weeks now. It has been fun doing so. I just wish I could talk to him about stuff without it always turning into something sexual. I am not a sexual person. I think just because with everything that happened I feel dirty or something. I don't know. I want him and I to have a good pure relationship. But I have a feeling it has been messed up already with some of our topics of conversation.
Don't get me wrong, we haven't had phone xes or anything like that. We just have mentioned the topic and talked about likes and dislikes a bit. I feel really bad about talking to someone so quickly about that topic :(
I feel...impure...
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